Fly the Friendly Skies

Our Dante’s Mullet resident Coach Taylor, has penned a piece on the hype surrounding the University of Texas’ 2009 football season. Coach T’s calculated, skeptical approach is a breath of fresh air from the Obamaish blind hope coming from other Horns (Professor Campies?). HT: the floor is yours…

Two days ago, I received a mass email from an old college friend who had been the organizer of some epic college road trips:

- “The Lincoln Liability” in 2002: Stanks got a citation in Kansas, Vasher saved our tail.

- “The Dirty Shreveport Night #1/Fayetteville, Arkie you will never see me in that stadium again - Night #2” in 2004

- “The Vegas RV – Dear God, Camp touched what – VY Rose Bowl dominance Pt. I” in 2004

- “Ole Miss/Bama Beauty” in 2007: Petet turning that frown upside down in the RV.

Papa Stanks’ track record is outstanding. However, in the email after his initial Longhorn statement of faith, (UT will win it, Colt gets the Heisman, Austin is the best city), he offered a challenge/plea to join him in purchasing a plane ticket to Pasadena, CA on January 7, 2010 for the MNC game. He even, like a good leader would, purchased his plane ticket as an act of confidence to show that he thinks the 2009 Horns are actually capable of pulling this thing off.

Having known Stanks for eight years, yet being the one in our group of friends who is more “cautious” (read: smaller testicles), I immediately hit a Reply (not Reply All – think Markinson questions Jessep in front of Kendrick in A Few Good Men and gets the Nicholson alpha-male response – “Don’t ever question my orders in front of another officer”) to express my hesitancy in his decision.

Reply-Alls were popping up left and right all expressing their interest in following suit. “You guys can stay with me when you’re out here.” (Girl whose name I didn’t recognize because of recent marriage. I’ve got to stop referring to girls by their last name) .

“We should make a week out of it and hit Vegas for three days early.” (Overly enthusiastic participant in the four trips mentioned who forgets that some of us have jobs now) –Ed. note: Dr. C?

Then the gchats started going crazy. “Have you bought yours yet? Why not? It’s Southwest, you can just credit your flight.”

“Am I the only responsible person?” I wondered.

It then occurred to me what I had been faking for the past three months whenever I get in to debates about college football - I’m not sold that Texas can win it all. It’s very easy to alpha-fan people in debates about whose school has more promise when the majority of your post-graduate friends are from ACC schools and members of the SEC West. Those schools, maybe with the exception of Alabama – “because you never bet against Saban” (say that quote to yourself with the same tone as Squints’ For-ev-er speech in The Sandlot), don’t have a prayer of actually contending for the National Title. We do. But there has to be an X factor. I don’t care if you’re dating Giselle; if she doesn’t possess an X factor, you’re not 100% sold on the relationship. It’s the same with football. On second thought, let’s hold onto that Giselle reference for now; might be premature. Right, Tom?

Too many people of late have been watching piss-poor highlights of the Titans pre-season football games to actually have an accurate recollection of how freakin’good VY was at Texas. The ’05 team was stacked. Let me say that again - stacked. But I thought the 2001 team was stacked; I even thought the 2002 and 2006 teams were stacked. You must have the X factor. (*note* say previous statement in the same tone I told you to say, “because you never bet against Saban” quote in).

VY had the ability to calm everyone down without speaking one sentence of correct English. (Recent quote on ESPN’s E60 that’ll make you cringe – “My fans is booing me, and I just didn’t want to play no more.” – it’s freakin’ ARE Vince, my fans ARE booing me!) . It didn’t matter. He had the ability to go into a huddle like Dave Chapelle’s “Black Bush” skit, and reassure everyone in the huddle that a team led by him was head and shoulders better than the competition. “Oh, what about the USC defense? What about the Heisman trophy winners? Stop worrying! I got this!” And then he did.

Please don’t misread what I’m saying. I love Colt. Colt McCoy is good people. I love the whole fishing thing, and the guy really has transformed himself into one of the best players that UT has ever seen. (Dr. Campies is wishing I would comment on how chiseled his body is now. You would, dude. You would.) For some reason, I don’t seem to get the X Factor vibe from him.

I watched the OU game just like you, but I was more blown away at Greg Davis’ offensive scheme and play-calling ability (I wish I could post a link with GD throwing two middle fingers up to the haters of ’01-’04). Then, I thought his play against Tech was very mediocre, and I didn’t find him unbelievable against The Ohio State University. I feel like we will need a team effort every single week to accomplish the feat of a national title (Ed. note: it’s true! Watch out for UTEP! Salty bunch!) And that is VERY HARD to do.

It’s a lot nicer if you have someone that can carry your team not necessarily with his statistics but with his presence. I know Colt has history book numbers, and I think there’s a good chance he’ll be the all-time winningest quarterback in college football history. But the team will have an off night, and we’re going to need one person to step up and carry us. “Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg?” (that’ll be my last A Few Good Men quote…promise).

Let’s look at the last five title winners:

- 2008: Florida - Tebow – X factor

- 2007: LSU – Saban’s players - *say the quote I made you recite earlier*

- 2006: Florida - Tebow – X factor (you will argue that he had a minimal role….I can’t refute the claim….but it’s Tebow….the guy is anointed)

- 2005: Texas - Vince – X factor

- 2004: USC - Leinart/Bush – two Heisman winners – XXL factor

I do think UT will beat OU, which will place Colt as the Heisman leader post-Oct. 17^{th (}Ed. note: Tap the brakes, Secretary). I can’t wait for the College Gameday love fest that will surround him, but I think Halloween night in Stillwater will be our Achilles Heel (and no, I’m not just copying Kirk Bohles a.k.a. the poor man’s Skip Bayless). We’ve just skated by them too many times in a row. I guarantee you that will be the game that they have circled. Gundy would kill a puppy to get the “can’t beat UT” stigma off his balance sheet. Gameday will be there - hell, Garth Brooks will probably be a guest. It’ll be a night game. Halloween. There are enough creatures as it is in Oklahoma, so I can’t imagine what kind of Okies will come out of the woodworks to see their beloved ‘Pokes play on that night.

I do still think we’re BCS bound, and I do still think Colt has a legit shot at the Heisman. It’ll just come down to what kind of story the writers want to sell: Tebow the greatest ever, or balance out the love and have the greatest Evangelical trio of Heisman QB’s to compete against each other in a three-year period.

Now, I promise I’m not dogging on the Horns nor do I have some grudge against Colt. I really do want the Horns to win it all (I know. I know. I too hate that guy who picks team A to win it but is really hoping team B pulls it off). But I was in school when we had a hyped up team in ’01, and Mr. Simms graced the cover of nearly every magazine including that of the Texas Monthly with Roger Staubach and Troy Aikman on his right and left. That issue was sick. (Ed note: You sure that wasn’t Simms next to Mr. October on the cover of ‘Pigskins and Foreskins’ you were looking at? I’m sure that was a good one too.) That year - which had so much potential - ended in heartbreak. It left a scar. So I’m still hopeful yet a little more cautious.

Besides, I just think the X Factor lies with the quarterback in waiting. But hell, I’ll probably cave in and purchase my plane ticket at the end of September after I see us put 50 on Tech at home. Plus, it’ll probably be another epic trip that I wouldn’t want to miss for the world. Who knows, maybe I’ll even be the name that gets mentioned in quotes when we title it - I just hope it’s not in an RV (Ed. note: How about a Southwest Airlines lavatory?)