Lou Piniella has Sampled Grass

News broke that Cubs’ catcher and reigning Rookie of the Year, Geovany Soto, tested positive for weed during the World Baseball Classic. Getting caught for a little toke while your baseball peers are getting nabbed for injecting their asses with horse steroids is analogous to getting a ticket for jaywalking during a Detroit Pistons championship riot.

I am not fully certain why this is a story. I am pretty sure it was common knowledge that Manny Ramirez stored a 10 foot water bong inside the Green (get it?! GREEN!) Monster during his days in Boston. Athletes have a lot of time on their hands and you can only play so many video games sober before wanting to spice things up a bit. The obvious enhancement is a little cooked lettuce.

Lou Piniella, the manager of the Cubs, sympathized with his star catcher saying, “Look, I have smoked dope one time in my life. And it didn't do a damn thing for me, and I never tried it again. I'm fortunate because of that. A lot of people do. You can even buy it in California from a pharmacy. (Ed. Note: In an unrelated story, dozens of Dominican players have requested trades to the Giants, A’s, Angels, Dodgers, Padres, and even the WNBA’s LA Sparks. Developing…) I do know young people make mistakes at times and learn from mistakes. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life personally, and I've learned from them.”

Lou's Lessons Learned (LLL):

- Never play for Billy Martin.

- Never tell Mickey Mantle he’s had too much to drink.

- Pot does nothing. Direct your funds at strippers and blow.

- George Steinbrenner likes being called “Big Georgey”

Someone also needs to tell Lou that you need to smoke more than once to get the full effect (or so I’ve heard). I never had Lou pegged as a quitter.

Soto has been mired in a sophomore slump (Slumpbuster? Yes please!) all season and Lou seems to think it has something to do with the guilt he has been carrying for roasting a spliff. If I were Lou, I’d stay late in the clubhouse after a game with Soto, flip on Pink Floyd “Dark Side of the Moon”, smoke out his locker, and just get weird with him. Boy, would I be a kickass manager.

Let's go on the Disabled List...