In an effort to divorce their spoiled, whining, greedy whore of a trophy wife, the Denver Broncos sent Jay Cutler to the Bears for Jack Daniels connoisseur, Kyle Orton, and a pair of first round picks. The move for Denver culminates many weeks of teenage girl bitching and lying between ownership, coaching, and the star quarterback. The Bears inherit a 25 year old franchise quarterback with a big arm and a desire to be spoiled on MTV’s Super Sweet 16. The Broncos land a quarterback with a good attitude, mediocre skill set, and subservient demeanor. Basically Chad Pennington only drunker.
Time will tell how the Denver bars are impacted by this trade. Cutler was a notorious booze bag as you would expect any apathetic SEC kid to be. Orton on the other hand attends Jack Daniels mini camps and bags floozies that even the punter wouldn’t pursue. A memo to Kyle: boozing at altitude is a tricky venture. Mix in a dash of water in your Jack until your body acclimates.
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