2009 Final Four – Day 1
I work a day job that is very pedestrian and average 90% of the time. I do what most people do when they go to work. That is, I sit at a desk, feign busyness, get subjected to middle manager power trips, fight through hangovers, knock out enough tasks to show I’m smarter than a retarded chimp, read sports blogs, and go to boring lunches with boring coworkers. The other 10% of the time I go to sporting events of the college variety.
Thursday was our travel day for the Final Four and I was privileged to a balmy 7am flight to gorgeous Detroit. The day got off to a dandy of a start when I slept through said flight. What can I say – a 7am flight to Detroit doesn’t wake your body up like Christmas morning. The day continued it’s jacked up course when I got on a later flight and was coincidentally sitting next to a business client of mine. I fashion myself as an amiable, cooperative man, but this client and I go as well together as booze and Mormons. We just don’t like each other. Anyway, he had his little tart of a girlfriend with him and the two of them got drunk on cranberry vodkas and played grab ass while I tried to hold down my $9 bagel. We pretended not to loathe one another for the two hour flight and we made it safely to the Motor City.
I read somewhere that when the Olympics were in Beijing last year the government erected huge facades to block tourists’ vision from abandoned buildings, the poor and destitute, and human fecal matter. Kind of like putting veneers on a Brit’s teeth. Having been to Detroit before, I expected them to do the same. I even heard a townie mention that they were busing the homeless to a location where it would take them exactly four days to walk back to Detroit – now THAT is community organizing, Barack! I have ventured around the town for roughly 24 hours, and I’ve concluded that the atmosphere is akin to Moscow hosting a Final Four under the Stalin regime. Dreary, low morale, government-ran, failing mega corporations, and drab attire everywhere.
I shouldn’t mock Detroit too much, however. The town is overly eager to host a Final Four and construct a new reputation with the thousands that will visit this weekend. Detroit is kind of like your weird, alcoholic uncle that makes it a point to loudly order club soda at a restaurant to fake his family into thinking he has his life straightened out even though anyone with a nose can detect a fifth of Canadian Mist on his breath as he tells you about his winnings at the track for the third time that day.
To complete the odd first day in Detroit, a movie screening was taking place in our hotel. I have never witnessed one of these before, but if movie execs are making decisions based on the likes of the mouth-breathing yokels and ex-cons that showed up last night, then we should not be surprised by the cinematic diarrhea that today’s movies have become. I am now convinced Will Smith has built a career off of attendees of these screenings that are enticed by free Fresca and a Red Lobster gift card.
More people will descend upon Detroit on Friday and I will continue to provide updates.
Predictions:
UNC over Nova
UConn over State
UNC – National Champions
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