Final Four Trip - Day 3

I took some cheap shots at Detroit on Day 1, and I stand by those claims.  I’m kind of a dirty fighter.  I’m the guy in a brawl that hides while the big dudes trade haymakers and knock each other out until it is safe for me to score some kicks to the ribs of a fallen fighter.  I’m also the guy who will then brag to his buddies afterwards that he kicked a dude’s ass.  Again, I hold no regret for comparing Detroit to Beijing and communist Russia.

However, a big cheers is in order for the D for putting their best clubfoot forward on the big day of the Final Four (Saturday).  Final Fours are an amazing spectacle.  There are thousands upon thousands of well-moneyed fans of four separate schools that completely take over a town.  The boozed up energy leading up to the games is contagious.  I can’t imagine how hyped up on adrenaline I’d be if the Aggies ever went to a Final Four.  Alcohol poisoning and a seizure would occur and only add to the lore of it all.

Yesterday was a crisp, sunny day and I was out with the masses early.  The epicenter of downtown Detroit is actually pretty cool.  Good bars, a beautiful ballpark, and Ford Field really add to the area.  Not surprisingly, the Michigan State fans had taken over the town and were living large.

I could devote a full essay to this topic, but I’ll try to make this point concisely:  people from non-picturesque and non-fun places party harder than those who hail from desirable locations.  Michigan State fans are a prime example of this.  People from California and shit don’t have to be creative to have a good time.  There are always endless entertainment options.  On the other hand, people from a town riddled with subzero temperatures, horrible crime, and no outdoor activities have to get clever (read: drunk) to have a good time.  Midwest drinking and tailgating is a well-oiled machine – livers and obesity be damned.  An uncle once taught me this about love – drink ‘til she’s pretty.  Well the mighty Midwesterners drink till both their surroundings and their pasty dames are more than pretty.  I must give a hearty salute to such efforts.

The games were solid.  70,000 people at a basketball game is really weird, totally unreasonable, but kind of cool.  Here are some unimportant, subjective rankings of the fan bases:

Hardest Drinkers

1.       Michigan State.  As mentioned earlier, these people funneled booze in the way you’d expect from a state school in the Midwest.  Vats of domestic beer and a surprisingly strong appetite for Jager.

2.       Villanova.  These Catholics were just happy to be at the Final Four after a 24 year hiatus.  I even saw the president of the university (a priest) kicking back brewskies with his minions.  Baptists could learn a thing or two.

3.       North Carolina.  Basketball royalty and the bluebloods of the weekend.  The women knock back Pinot Grigio and the gents are a gin-by-day, scotch-by-night type of crowd.

4.       UConn.  To be fair, I hardly saw any UConn fans all day.  The ones I did see seemed apathetic and carried themselves like they had just been dragged along on a school field trip.  Crack a brew and enjoy the day, Huskies.

Best Looking Ladies

1.       Carolina and it isn’t even close.  There is top notch talent in the Carolinas, both North and South.

2.       Michigan State.  This was somewhat of a surprise, but I commend the Sparty’s for bringing their best gals.  However, not hard to take second in this category when you’re battling Nova and UConn.

3.       Villanova.  Private school girls in Philadelphia don’t exactly conjure parallels to tongue-ringed Arizona State girls on spring break in Cancun.  For the most part, Nova girls seemed cute in that “prepare a pot of chili and attend a PTA meeting” type of way.  In fairness, there were plenty of decent girls that you could take home to mom.

4.       UConn.  I didn’t see many Husky women and the ones I did see were, well, husky.  The gals in the Northeast are on the heels of sweater season, so I’ll cut them slack for the next couple days or so.

If I were a recruit, which of the four coaches would I play for…

1.       Tom freaking Izzo.  This guy might be my favorite coach in America.  Total beast.  He preaches discipline and defense without being a Grade A asshole.  He pushes the floor and celebrates in his players’ successes.  The love between him and his team is genuine.

2.       Jay Wright.  Class act that doesn’t coddle his players.  JW can coach.

3.       Roy Williams.  Roy sometimes is a total pussy.  His act of wearing Kansas garb at last year’s championship after getting curb stomped by the Hawks was super gay.  If I were a Carolina fan I would have been livid.  Nevertheless, he is a good dude who recruits good kids that graduate.  Wow, now I sound like the puss.

4.       Jim Calhoun.  Whiny, cheaty, cragly.  No thanks.

Today is the off day and I need to figure out something to do in this town.  Suggestions welcome.